Pinkie Stealth Pie
by SPB
Summary: (A James Bond Ponyfication, originally published on FiMFiction in 2013, one of my first fanfics. Takes place between "Crystal Empire" and "Magic Duel".) Pinkie Pie really is a spy. Agent 001 of PI9 to be precise. Follow her on her mission to prevent dangerous artifacats from falling into the wrong hooves.


The moon cast its glow over the enchanted land of Equestria. It's gleaming silver rays shone on a lone train track. A late night train pulled by a steam locomotive was making it's way through the landscape alone.

To most ponies it would've looked like an ordinary late night express. Nopony would ever suspect that the train was far from ordinary, for it was carrying a bomb onboard one of its coaches. The bomb was to detonate inside Canterlot station after everypony had gotten off. Ponies would be frightened by the close call which was just what the organization known as S.H.A.D.O.W wanted.

Inside the diner car the head of S.H.A.D.O.W. was checking to make sure that the bomb was properly protected. "Make sure nopony gets in or out." he said to his guards "Remain at your posts at all times and stay alert."

"Yes sir." replied the guards. And with that the head of S.H.A.D.O.W. retreated to his room in the coach directly in front. If all went well he would soon make a name for himself.

Meanwhile a small handcar was slowly making its way down the track to catch up to the rear end of the train. On board the handcar was an unidentifed pony that was wearing a black stealth suit. A minute later the handcar and the rear coach were so close that you could pratically reach out and walk from one to the other. The figure on board the handcar seized the oppertunity and leaped onto the balcony. It was onboard the train.

"Come in H.Q." the figure said in an obvious female voice "This is 001 reporting. I have successfully boarded the train."

"Good job so far 001." replied another female voice. "I've examined the layout of the train and have pinpointed the location of the bomb. It is currently located in the diner car. Make your way to there and disarm that bomb. Use caution however we cannot afford to make any mistakes."

"Roger that Luna." 001 said.

"Remember this mission most remain strictly covert. And that means stealth is key." Princess Luna said sternly. Princess Luna was a dark blue alicorn with a mane and tail that reflected the night sky. She ruled Equestria alongside her elder sister Princess was known as the Princess of The Night. Naturally it was her duty to raise the moon every evening and lower it every morning. She also had the power to control the stars and enter the dreams of her fellow subjects. However unknown to even Celestia Luna was in charge of Pi9 Equestria's network of spys and secret agents.

001 also known as Agent P was the best operative of all Pi9 agents. She always managed to catch the bad guy and get herself out of any situation. Of course she was known for being a bit reckless and although she appeared cheerful on the outside on the inside she was not afraid to act first and ask questions later. She also on occasion disobeyed orders which gave her superiors more than a few headaches.

"You might be the best agent this organization has ever seen but don't let it go to your head." Luna said "If you mess this up innocent ponies could be put in harms way!"

"Relax Luna." 001 said "I know what I'm doing."

"I hope so for your sake." Luna said "Anyway I'll try to keep in contact with you. Good luck 001."

"I don't need luck." 001 said. And with that she was off. She climbed onto the roof of the coach and slowly began trotting across to the front of the train where the diner car was located. After only a few minutes she had reached it. "Now for some fun." she said. Digging into her black stealth suit she pulled out what looked like a harmless wheel from some sort of toy. She climbed down and placed the "wheel" on the window of the back door. Two blades emerged from it. This "wheel" was actually a gadget designed by the technology branch of Pi9 or T Branch for short. This particular gadget was designed to allow agents to cut holes in glass windows to open doors and hatches or to throw various types of pellets without breaking the glass and raising an alarm.

The guards didn't notice the gadget cutting a hole in the back door of the diner car. Once the cutting was complete there was a hole big enough to fit a hoof through. " _Now's my chance._ " 001 said as she placed the gadget back in her stealth suit. Diging further into her stealh suit 001 pulled out a pellet that was filled with sleeping gas. She threw the pellet through the opening.

The guards looked down as the pellet rolled to a stop in front of them. Neither one of them suspected any thing.

The pellet released the sleeping gas. Both of the guards eyes grew heavy and in seconds they were sound asleep on the floor.

With the guards asleep 001 reached her hoof through the opening until she found the door handle. She unlocked the door and went inside. Her stealth suit had a built in gas mask that protected her from the sleeping gas that was still spewing from the pellet. 001 walked over to where a gaint cake was on display. She looked underneath the table it was standing on and found a bomb strapped to one of the legs. "Come in H.Q." she said "I've located the bomb. Proceeding to disarm now."

"O.k. 001." Luna said "Be very careful. The last thing we need to is for you to blow yourself sky high."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." 001 said sarcastically. She looked at the bomb and saw that it had a timer counting down the time to the explosion. Right now the timer was at 0:30 and counting. 001 wasn't the least bit worried, she'd been in tougher situations then this. In less then 10 seconds she had already managed to locate the wires and cut the yellow one because as she put it "It's always the red wire or the blue wire. No one would ever expect a yellow wire."

"Bomb has been disarmed." 001 said.

"Good job 001." Luna said "Now you should try to apprehend Con Mane, the head of S.H.A.D.O.W. Remember he's very tricky."

"And where is he now?" 001 asked.

"Right behind you." A shadowy voice said. It was Con Mane. By this point the pellet had run out of sleeping gas.

"So we meet at last Con Mane." 001 said "I must say you certainly move fast."

"And so do you 001." Con Mane said "You may have foiled my plans but this time I won't be going home empty hoofed. At least this time I'll be taking out Pi9's best agent!"

"There's only one problem with that." 001 said "I'm very unpredictable." She quickly pulled out a mini party cannon and shot out all the lights. She wasn't scared though, she had her night vision goggles to help her see in the dark.

"Only you'd think of such a move 001!" Con Mane said "But if you thought that would stop me then you thought wrong."

"You clearly don't know me Con Mane." 001 said "I knew that alone wouldn't be enough to bring you down."

"Well then come and get me!" Con Mane said charging forward, planing to use his brute strength to strike down his opponet. Little did he know he was playing right into 001's hooves. She instantly dodged to the side and waited until Con Mane had passed her by. She quickly grabbed his tail and tied it to one of the table legs. Con Mane couldn't move.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you it's not nice to pick fights? Especially not with a pony who can out smart you." 001 said teasingly.

"Curse you 001!" Con Mane said "Just who in the world of Equestria are you?"

"I thought you'd never ask." 001 said. She slowly walked over to Con Mane. Once she was certain he could see her clearly she removed her night visions googles and lowered her mask revealing a pink earth pony. Her mane was as poofy as cotton candy.

"The name's Pie. Pinkie Pie." she said casually.

* * *

"Good job 001." Luna said "You performed excellently on the simulated mission."

"Thank you." Pinkie Pie said "But in reality Con Mane would never charge head on at his opponet. He's just as much of a strategist as I am."

"We're well aware of that 001." Luna said "You are not the first 00 agent to tell us this."

"I know I know. I've just been so bored lately." Pinkie Pie said "I haven't really had anything exciting to do. You've had little use for me or the 00 divison for a long time now. You didn't even deploy any of us to the land of the changelings after the wedding."

"I understand you haven't been out in the field lately 001 and that you're itching more for action but I assure you that I have not forgotten you or any of your fellow 00 agents." Luna said "However we must make sure our other operatives are allowed to improve. We can't show any favoritism here. You know the rules"

"That may be but surely it wouldn't hurt you to send me or another 00 agent just to ensure the job gets done. And besides I have a score to settle with those meanie pants. " Pinkie Pie said.

"We are trying to resolve this peacefully 001." Luna said "You especially have shown a tendency to make rash decisions. We do not want to be seen as a bully. Plus I certainly will not send you out on a personal vendetta. That would spell disaster for us all, and I don't think I need to remind you that organization has a reputation to uphold. So unless the situation dissolves into war I will not send you or any 00 agent to the land of the changelings. That's my final decision and I trust you wil respect it."

"Yes your majesty. I understand." Pinkie Pie said "So on an unrelated note can I reveal this secret to my friends? I've been keeping it from them for almost two years now and I'd really like to get it off my back. It's driving me crazy."

"The answer is still no 001." Luna said "Your friends have saved Equestria three times already but I am not sure if they can be trusted to keep quiet about this organization. I have a hard time as it is keeping us out of the papers. And you saw how well your friend Twilight was at keeping a secret."

"I know." Pinkie Pie said.

"This may be hard for you 001 but we can't allow for word of this organization to seep out. We must make sure that our enemies can't find us and hurt us, even if it means keeping our allies in the dark." Luna said.

"I understand." Pinkie Pie said "So is there anything else you need me for?"

"No." Luna said "You are dismissed."

(A few months later)

It had been a long time since Pinkie Pie had heard from Princess Luna. This was the longest time she'd gone without any news sice joining Pi9. It had all started a few weeks after the Nightmare Moon incident. Pinkie Pie had received a letter telling her to come to Canterlot and had wasted no time in doing so.

Upon arrival she had been greated by Princess Luna who was still recovering from being Nightmare Moon. Luna told Pinkie Pie that she was establishing a secret network of spies to protect Equestria against various threats. She had also told Pinkie Pie that she would receive all future messages via a spell that once cast would send a message to the brain of its recipient.

For the first year Pinkie Pie had largely been deployed to deal with isolated threats from other species. Then just after Nightmare Night Pi9 frequently sent out agents to investigate reports of unusual behavior among random ponies. As it turned out these cases were the result of changelings but when interrogated all they ever revealed was that something big was coming.

This big thing turned out to be an attack on Canterlot itself which was led by Chrysalis, the Queen of the changelings. She had kidnapped the bride to be Princess Cadence and disguised herself as said Princess. She had then slowly fed off of the love that Shining Armor the captain of the royal gaurd had for the bride. But her plans were foiled when Twilight Sparkle, the personal student of Princess Celestia and Shining Armor's little sister saw through Chrysalis's ruse and freed the real Cadence. Chrysalis had then been driven out of Canterlot by a blast from the love between Shining Armor and Cadence.

Since that time Pi9 had sent some of its lower level agents to try and work out a truce with the changeling hive. Meanwhile all other agents aside from being required to go through a simulated mission to keep their skills sharp had seen no action whatsoever.

Pinkie Pie's normal life kept her fairly busy though. She continued to work at Sugarcube Corner in Ponyville with Carrot Cake and Cup Cake. She also foalsat their twin toddlers Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake. And when she wasn't doing either of those she was busy either hanging out with the many friends she'd made in Ponyville or planing a party.

And then just this day her friend Twilight had been contacted by Princess Celestia and was told she would be taking a test. The test was to protect the Crystal Empire which had recently resurfaced after over 1,000 years from its evil former ruler King Sombra. Twilight had ultimately passed by learning to put others before herself, which had led to Spike being the hero for once not that anyone was complaining. Pinkie Pie had insisted on throwing them both a party. A "Congratulations On Passing Your Test Party" for Twilight and a "Hero Party" for Spike.

"Honestly Pinkie you don't have to do this." Twilight said "You throw plenty of parties as it is."

"It's nothing really." Pinkie Pie said "Besides you're my friends and I always throw a party for my friends. It's who I am."

"Well I'm afraid it can't be today Pinkie Pie." Twilight said "I've got to make sure I'm ready to begin my next level of studies. Is tomorrow o.k with you?"

"Of course Twilight." Pinkie Pie said "After all it wouldn't be a party without the guests of honor."

"See you tomorrow." Twilight said.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully for Pinkie Pie. And then just as she had finished closing up Sugarcube Corner for the night she received a message from Princess Luna. The message that she received in her head told her to come to Canterlot at once.

After making sure the Cakes were asleep Pinkie Pie trotted upstairs to her bedroom. She trotted over to her closet and found her black stealh suit hung up in its secret compartment. "Never thought I'd be using you again so soon." she said to herself as she slipped it on. She was met with the blank stare of her pet baby aligator Gummy.

"Do you want to come too Gummy?" Pinkie Pie asked. Gummy noded. "Sorry but I can't." Pinkie Pie said "I'd have to clear it with Princess Luna first and last time I checked she had a strict no pets policy. You'll be o.k. without me, after all I'll only be gone for a little while." And with that Pinkie Pie trotted over to the secret compartment where her stealth suit had been hanging. There was a hidden door that only Pinkie Pie could see. She knocked on it.

"What's the password?" a computerized voice asked.

"Oatmeal." Pinkie Pie said. The door slid open revealing a tunnel. Pinkie Pie went inside. The door closed behind her. The tunnel was lit enough for Pinkie Pie to see where she was going without using her night vision goggles. " _I sure am glad Luna had this tunnel built._ " she thought. It had been built specifically so that Pinkie Pie could travel to and from Canterlot without arrousing suspicion that would surely come from her purchasing tickets to Canterlot more often then most Ponyville residents.

A few minutes later she emerged in Luna's bedroom in Canterlot Castle. "Ah hello Agent P." Luna said "I see you received my message."

"Of course I did." Pinkie Pie said "I'm itching for some action here."

"Well don't get too excited 001." Luna said "I still have to brief you on your assignment." And with she and Pinkie Pie made their way down a secret flight of stairs. After clearing security they passed through some glass doors and entered Pi9's base of operations. The entire place was full of various agents or Pi9 staff members runing about doing various tasks.

"Ah here we are." Luna said as she pointed towards a door on the left. it was marked with a symbol that was similar in design to Luna's cutie mark. This was Luna's office. "Give me a minute to get set up." she said "In the meantime perhaps you'd like to acquaint yourself with my new secretary. I have a feeling you'll recognize" She pointed towards a stallion that looked almost like her night guards only without the armor. She then proceeded to shut her office door.

"And who might you be?" Pinkie Pie asked the stallion.

"I'm Bat Wings." the stallion replied. "I was once the head of Luna's night guards."

"Oh yes now I remember." Pinkie Pie said. She remembered that Bat Wings had been captain of the night guard up until the wedding invasion. After that Bat Wings had announced he was retiring.

"As it turns out the retirement was so that my fellow guards wouldn't wonder why I wasn't around." Bat Wings said "And it was to cover the fact that I was becoming Luna's personal secretary."

"I see." Pinkie Pie said "Well I have a feeling we're going to get along just fine."

"Don't get ahead of yourself 001. Flattery won't get you anywhere around here I'm afraid." Bat Wings said "I've heard a lot about you and your ways."

"Then you know I'm a mare of my word." Pinkie Pie said.

"I highly doubt that. Especially considering what her majesty Princess Luna told me" Bat Wings said.

"O.k. 001 step into my office please." Luna said over the desk intercom. 'I'm ready to brief you."

"Good luck in there." Bat Wings said "Luna has very high expectations for you."

"I know." Pinkie Pie said "Because I'm that good."

Pinkie Pie entered Luna's office. Luna sat behind a desk in a large rotating chair. The walls were full of various paintings including one that had been inspired by the wedding. It was a painting of Pinkie Pie and her friends at the start of the post wedding celebration when Twilight had just started been given the mic and had started singing "Love is in Bloom".

"I understand that you recently visited the Crystal Empire." Luna said.

"Oh yeah it was awesome!" Pinkie Pie said "You really should've seen it. I even got to be a crystal pony myself."

"I'm well aware of what happened 001." Luna said cutting Pinkie Pie off before she started one of her long speeches. "I don't need to be reminded of the fact that I was unable to go."

"Oops sorry." Pinkie Pie said.

"Now allow me to explain." Luna said as she activated a projector which displayed various images "As you already know the Crystal Empire was once ruled by the evil King Sombra before he was ultimately over thrown by my sister Princess Celestia and myself. However what Celestia did not tell you is that during his reign Sombra made the crystal ponies his slaves for two reasons. One was becasue their beauty reminded him of what he could never have and he despised that fact. But the other was because he discovered that the crystals that grew there had incredible magical properties. So he put his slaves to work mining the various crystals and used them to create powerful artifacts to make himself so powerful that nopony could rise up and overthrow him. Naturally when he cursed the empire just before his demise he not only made them vanish for over 1,000 years but he also made all of his artifacts vanish as well. Now with the empire safely in friendly hooves and Sombra defeated we here at Pi9 have reason to believe that the artifacts Sombra created have returned as well. So I want you 001 to go to the Crystal Empire, track down the artifacts, and bring them back here so we can safely dispose of them. We aren't sure of how many there are so bring back as many as you can find. Use caution however, I cannot stress enough that these items must returned intact."

"I won't let you down Luna." Pinkie Pie said.

"Oh one more thing." Luna said "There is one artifact that takes priority over all the others. That artifact is the Alicorn Amulet. It was created to boost the magical powers of whoever wore it. But Sombra's dark magic made it so that anypony who put it on that had access to any sort of magic, either directly or through blood line would slowly become possessed. And become evil for as long as they wore it. If you should find the Alicorn Amulet try to bring it back in one piece but if that proves too hard you are authorized to destroy it. Be careful though the Alicorn Amulet is very tricky, in the wrong hooves it could spell the end for Equestria as we know it."

"Don't you worry your pretty little head Luna." Pinkie Pie said "With me on the case this mission is as good as done."

"Do be careful 001." Luna said "You seem to have a tendency for getting into trouble."

"I appreciate your concern mom but I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." Pinkie Pie said.

"All the same you are our best agent and we certainly can't replace you." Luna said "Just promise me you won't do anything stupid."

"I Pinkie Promise that I'll be careful." Pinkie Pie said "Cross my heart and hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye."

"Well then I'll hold you to your word 001." Luna said "Oh and don't forget to stop by T's lab to pick up your equipment. And please try to treat his gadgets with more respect. The old stallion works very hard on them."

"Will do your highness." Pinkie Pie said and with that she left Luna's office.

"So how did it go?" Bat Wings asked.

"Just fine." Pinkie Pie said "But as much as I'd love to stay and chat I have a mission to complete."

"Come back soon." Bat Wings said "This place seems to get pretty lonely without you around."

Pinkie Pie made her way to the end of the hallway. An elevator opened its doors to greet her. She stepped inside and pressed a button. The elevator descended. A few seconds later it stopped. The doors opened and Pinkie Pie stepped out. She was in a lab of sorts. Various lab assistants were runing around checking on various experiments.

"Ah 001 it's good to see you again." said a male voice. It belonged to a gray stallion with a white mane and tail. He was wearing a white lab coat. It was T the head of T Branch.

"Nice to see you too T." Pinkie Pie said "So how have you been? Busy inventing things?"

"Well considering how often you destroy them yes." T said "Luna already notified me of your assignment. I have everything you need ready and waiting. Kindly follow me 001, oh and do try not to break anything."

Pinkie Pie and T walked over to where a miniature party cannon was placed on a table.

"Well if isn't my old friend the party cannon. It's been a while." Pinkie Pie said.

"It most certainly has." T said "But while you've been gone I've taken the liberty of giving it some upgrades. It is now equipped with a silencer that not only muffles the sound but has a laser guided aiming system to improve accuracy. It also has a rapid fire function that shoots a barrage of streamers. It can be activated by pressing the green button on its right side."

"Is that all T? And here I thought you were going to give me sort of super awesome powerup." Pinkie Pie said as she placed the party cannon in her saddle bag.

"Patience 001 we're just getting started." T said. "If you'll kindly follow me."

Pinkie Pie did so.

"Now this" T said pointing towards a small electronic device "Is a little something I like to call the T Phone. It appears to be a harmless little toy phone but in actuality it is equipped with a wide variety of tools. These include, a grapple line that will allow you to latch onto ledges and platforms. A laser beam that can cut through any metal. A powerful sound wave that will irritate even the most hard of hearing, which also comes with a set of protective headphones so your ears won't be bothered. A special camera that can even take ultra violet and infra red photos. And if worse comes to worse a self destruct device that can be activated by voice command."

"What's the command?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Nice try 001, you didn't honestly think I'd tell you right?" T said.

"Is it Celesta?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Self destruct sequence activated." called out a computerized voice. A timer with 15 seconds appeared on it and it began counting down.

"Luna." T said.

"Self destruct sequence aborted." the computerized voice said.

"Very funny 001." T said "Anyway as you've just seen the code word triggers a 15 second timer which should give you adequate time to escape the blast. And Luna can be used to deactivate the sequence."

"Cool." Pinkie Pie said.

"Please do be careful with that thing." T said "You seem to have no respect for the hard work that goes into the building of such technology."

"Well I'm really sorry T but when you're out in the field sometimes you have to make scarifices." Pinkie Pie said. "Besides half the fun is finding new uses for things."

"I know 001." T said "But all the same I do think you could stand to treat my equipment just a little bit better."

"I'll think about it T." Pinkie Pie said as she picked up the T Phone and placed it in her saddle bag.

"Now then allow me to show your method of transport." T said. He and Pinkie Pie walked over to what seemed to be a nearby wall. As it turned out it was actually a painted door which rose as they walked towards it. This was T Lab's secret garage where all the Pi9 vehicles were kept. A few lab assistants were runing around checking on the various vehicles when T stopped in front of one.

"This is a lot like the motorized parade floats you likely saw in Ponyville during the Summer Festival." T said pointing towards a float that looked like a black balloon.

"I take it you've made some modifications right?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Of course. After all I've had a lot of free time." T said "I've equipped it with a cloaking device in case you don't want anyone to see it or you need to make a hasty retreat. I've also equipped it with an ejector seat triggered by that red lever there as well as a tracking system. A turbo booster behind the rear end. A smoke screen. And a little something known as the T-Wedge, which will cause this vehicle to tilt either to the left or right for a few seconds for those tight squeezes."

"Sounds pretty cool." Pinkie Pie said "You thought of everything. Although I think you should've made it work by remote control, you know like a toy car."

"Oh grow up 001. Also do know that these modifications are not toys to be used whenever you feel like it. And if it isn't too much to ask please do watch the paint job, you cause enough damage as it." T said.

"Relax T I know what I'm doing." Pinkie Pie said.

"I know and that's what worries me." T said.

"Well I'm off." Pinkie Pie said as she climbed into the float. "Wish me luck."

"If anypony needs luck around here it's me." T said.

Using the map from the tracking system Pinkie Pie drove to the Crystal Empire. She made sure to look over the information she had been given. It mentioned that there was only one pony that could provide any leads on the artifacts whereabouts. That pony's name was Fire Ruby. He was a stallion that ran a restaurant in the Crystal Empire. It was rumored that he was related to Berry Punch.

Once she arrived in the Crystal Empire and had activated the cloaking device on the float Pinkie Pie wasted no time in heading to the location of the restaurant.

She entered and was amazed at the glass display cases that showed various crystal sculptures of famous Ponyville land marks including a beautiful display of Canterlot Castle.

"Like what you see?" a stallion asked. He had a glimering red coat. It was completely crystal just like all the other crystal ponies. His mane and tail were a reddish orange and his cutie mark was a picture of a flaming drink.

"Ah yes Fire Ruby I pressume." Pinkie Pie said.

"How do you know who I am?" Fire Ruby asked.

"That's not important." Pinkie Pie asked "I understand that you have some information that might be of use to me."

"Sorry pal but I don't just give out information." Fire Ruby said "My motto is paying customers only."

"In that case I'll have a vanilla milkshake." Pinkie Pie said forking over some bits. "After all it's my favorite type of beverage, next to cider that is."

"One vanilla milkshake coming right up." Fire Ruby said. A few seconds later the beverage was ready. "Here you go."

"Thanks." Pinkie Pie said. She drank down the milkshake in ten seconds flat.

Fire Ruby was impressed. "No one could drink down something that fast without getting brain freeze!" he said.

"Well I'm one of a kind." Pinkie Pie said "Now then about that information."

"You still haven't told me who you are." Fire Ruby said.

"My name is 001. I'm part of a secret organization. I've been sent here to retrieve some artifacts created by King Sombra and I was told you might know where they are." Pinkie Pie said.

"You must have me confused with someone else." Fire Ruby said "I don't know what you're talking about."

Pinkie Pie lost patience. She sprang forward, pulled out her miniature party cannon, and aimed it at the display cases. "You'd better talk!" she said "The full scale verision of this thing is powerful enough to blast a changeling, and this miniature verison though not as powerful still packs quite a punch! So unless you'd like to see just how potent this thing I suggest you tell me what you know! Or do these priceless sculptures mean nothing to you?!"

"Alright I'll talk!" Fire Ruby said "Just please don't break those crystal sculptures! You don't know how hard it was for me to make them! Heck even I can barely remember!"

"Enough chit chat! Confess!" Pinkie Pie said.

"Those artifcats you're looking for, well I think I remember seeing them in the palace throne room. If I remember correctly Princess Cadence recently found a way to permanetly access the secret room from Sombra's reign. I believe I heard from somepony that Princess Cadence's husband Prince Shining Armor had gone down there to investigate after his little sister Twilight told him about it. The pony said he mentioned something to Princess Cadence about 'strange items' and Princess Cadence decided she would go down herself." Fire Ruby said "I believe that the pony who I learned this from said that Princess Cadence was going to see about contacting Princess Celestia to ask her what she should do."

"That's all I need to know." Pinkie Pie said, exiting the restaurant. "Now I'll be going and if anypony asks you never saw me."

"Come in H.Q." Pinkie Pie said "This is 001 reporting. I've successfully entered the Crystal Empire and extracted the information about the whereabouts of the artifcats."

"Well done 001." Luna said "I knew I made the right choice in sending you."

"I'll contact you again when I've retrieved the artifacts." Pinkie Pie said "Over and out." She then dug into her saddle bag and pulled out the T Phone. "Let's see." she said to herself as she start looking through the programs. At last she found the grapple program and activated it. She pointed the T Phone at a nearby roof top and pressed a button. A grapple line shot out and latched itself onto the roof top. Pinkie Pie was pulled up with it.

Pinkie Pie repeated this process until she reached the Crystal Castle. Once inside she used her night vision goggles to navigate the dark hallways. She was careful not to make any loud noises. She didn't want to wake up Shining Armor and Princess Cadence. Ske knew neither of them knew of Pi9's existence. After quielty tiphoofing for what had seemed like forever Pinkie Pie reached the throne room. Through her night vision goggles she could see what looked like an endless stair case a short distance from the throne.

" _Looks like Fire Ruby was telling the truth after all._ " she thought to herself.

After making her way down the stairs and passing through the door which had obviously been left open permanetly by Princess Cadence she found another flight of endless stairs. Off to the right however was a set of display cases. These caught Pinkie Pie's eye.

"Well what have we here?" she said to no one in particular. She walked over to them and found that inside of each case was a mysterious item that Pinkie Pie had never seen. "These must be the artifacts." she said. She snapped a picture of each one with her T Phone. The camera as it turned out had a program that could indentify the object in a picture and compare it to see if it was the actual thing. Each picture was a match.

She set to work on trying to open the display cases but they wouldn't budge. This was a job for the T Phone's lazer.

Pinkie Pie activated the laser program and fired it at each of the display cases. One by one she cut a hole that would be big enough for the artifacts to fit through. Once she had completed the task she deactivated the laser program and removed each of the artifacts from their display case. Once she had acquired all of them and had put them into her saddle bag Pinkie Pie left behind a note that read

 _To all it may concern_

 _I have taken the artifacts. Rest assured that they will not be used for evil._

 _A friend_

"Come in H.Q." Pinkie Pie said as she made her way out of the Crystal Castle. "I've managed to retrieve all but one of the artifacts so far. The Alicorn Amulet is still unaccounted for."

"Nice job 001." Luna said "You may continue to search for the Alicron Amulet but you have only a limited time until we'll have to assume it is lost."

"I understand." Pinkie Pie said now on the streets of the Crystal Empire "Over and out." "Now where I am going to find the Alicorn Amulet?" she asked herself.

"How about right behind you?!" said a scruffy voice.

" _No it can't be!_ " Pinkie Pie said. She knew who the voice was. She turned around and was met with the face of Donut Joe.

Around his neck hung the Alicorn Amulet.

"Donut Joe what are you doing here?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Whose's this Donut Joe? There is only Con Mane!" Donut Joe said. Clearly he was under the effects of the Alicorn Amulet.

" _Of course! His father was a unicorn. It said so in a newspaper article from when he was up and coming._ " Pinkie Pie thought to herself.

"And who might you be?!" Donut Joe asked.

"The name's 001." Pinkie Pie said "And as of a few seconds ago my mission just became to kick your sorry flank!"

"Bring it on 001!" Donut Joe said "You're no match for the almighty Con Mane!"

" _Now I wish I hadn't accused him of being that._ " Pinkie Pie thought to herself. "Donut Joe please I beg of you take off that amulet. It's corrupting you!"

"Nice try 001!" Donut Joe said "But I ain't taking this thing off willingly!"

"Then you leave me no choice!" Pinkie Pie said. And with that she and Donut Joe began to fight.

"You can't keep fighting like this 001!" Donut Joe said after several minutes. So far Pinkie Pie had largely been tussling with Donut Joe trying not to hurt him.

" _He's right._ " Pinkie Pie said. " _I must find another way to free him. But how?_ " Then her eyes turned to the T Phone and she remembered the sound wave program. Then after making use of a recent opening she pulled out her protective headphones. After making sure they were nice and snug she triggered the sound wave.

Donut Joe winced. The noise hurt his ears.

"Now's my chance." Pinkie Pie said. She sprang out from her hiding place and quickly trotted up to Donut Joe. With him covering his ears with his hooves he was too distracted to notice Pinkie Pie. She took advantage of the oppertunity to slip the Alicorn Amulet off of him. But before she could secure it in her saddle bag it was yanked out of her hooves by a magical auroa.

"Ah yes this is just the kind of thing I need." said Fire Ruby, a horn was now on his forehead. "I won't be needing this disguise anymore." and with that he cast a shape shifting spell, revealing his true idenity.

"This so called Alicorn Amulet is sure to fetch me a ton of money." the stallion said "I've waited all my life for something like this. And based on how much I make I probably won't need to keep my pawn shop open." And with that the stallion ran off.

Pinkie Pie would've chased after him but right now she had more important things to worry about. Donut Joe was starting to come around after being freed from the Alicorn Amulet's control and a 00 agent's top prority was to protect innocent civilians even if meant having to abandon the mission.

"Donut Joe are you o.k.?" Pinkie Pie asked making sure that her face was fully visible and not hidden behind her stealth suit.

"I will be eventually." Donut Joe said "Where am I?"

"You're a long way from home. That's all you need to know." Pinkie Pie said. "Now just stay put for a little bit while I go call for help."

Pinkie Pie ducked behind a nearby building. "Come in H.Q. this is 001 reporting." she said somberly "I found the Alicorn Amulet. It was strapped to Donut Joe's neck and was making him think that he was Con Mane. I managed to remove the Amulet but it was taken from me by a shape shifting unicorn who was disguised as Fire Ruby. I'm sorry, I failed the mission."

"It's alright 001." Luna said "Like I said before the Alicorn Amulet is very tricky. What matters is that you managed to remove it from an innocent pony before it could do any harm. You did the right thing."

"Well what do you want me to do now?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Bring the rest of the artifacts back to H.Q. so we can safely dispose of them." Luna said "We've already sent a helicopter to pick Donut Joe up."

"Is that all?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Yes." Luna said "Over and out."

Pinkie Pie walked back up to Donut Joe after removing her mask. She stayed with him until a helicopter arrived to take him back to Canterlot. After that Pinkie Pie headed back to the outskirts of the Crystal Empire where she had parked the float. She deactivated the cloaking device and set out for Pi9's secret garage. She activated the turbo booster to speed up the exit process as well as to make her feel better.

Once she arrived back at Pi9 headquarters she immediately headed upstairs to Luna's office.

"You did very well tonight 001." Luna said as Pinkie Pie gave her the artifcats. "Thanks to you the citizens of Equestria can rest safely. I know you're feeling down about losing the alicorn amulet but you made the right decision. The lives of others are more important. We'll keep an eye out for any information on the Amulet's whereabouts and we'll have our opperatives in the land of the changelings ask the hive if they know anything about shape shifting unicorns to see if they can help us."

"Thank you your highness." Pinkie Pie said "So I take it I'm done for the evening?"

"Yes." Luna said "We'll contact you again if we find anything out."

With that Pinkie Pie left Luna's office and repeated the route she had taken to get Canterlot a few hours earlier. Upon arriving back home in Ponyville she found Gummy had already fallen asleep without her. Pinkie Pie didn't bother to wake him up for she was exhausted. All that secret agent stuff really took it out of you.

After unmaking her bed she climbed in. " _I know I did the right thing in staying with Donut Joe but I can't help but wonder if I really should've chased after that pawn shop stallion._ " she thought to herself. " _Oh well a party will make me feel better and I have to plan two tomorrow._ " And with that Pinkie Pie fell asleep.

She awoke the next morning feeling a little less energetic then normal but she made sure not to show it as she planned the parties for Twilight and Spike. After all she couldn't afford to have anypony find out about her little secret.


End file.
